Forgive me if this seems a bit personal, but what is the POINT of your relationship?

I agree with you… because you love them, because they deal with your crap, because you want to have a family or they look like they’d make a nice baby or two…

I personally believe that the primary reason we enter committed partnership with another person is to grow as an individual! Now that may be hidden beneath the obvious reasons, unconscious to many of us, but have you noticed that the person you love is also the person who seems to get under your skin sometimes?

There’s no coincidence there, and no, this does not mean you are with the wrong person! We choose the person to commit to who pushes our buttons so we have an opportunity to grow and learn about ourselves. Otherwise, when everything is just smooth sailing for the rest of your life together, never a wave or a sudden storm, then you might have a very NICE life, but I have to say, it might not just be boring, it might even be disappointing because you really don’t find yourself challenged to assess yourself and possibly shift some of your behaviors.

Now, many couples don’t like to hear this, but I am very clear that while it is a huge part of relationship to do nice things for your partner, you can not expect your partner to do anything for you. I had a couple on my couch recently and the woman said, “well what’s the point of being married if he’s not going to take out the garbage when I tell him to?” If you fall into this camp, I hate to tell you that you are sailing into a tsunami, not a few little waves.

When my partner does something sweet for me or vice versa, it is a gift, not an obligation. As soon as we feel we have to, we resent it. We all have needs, and we have every right to express those needs to our partners. We just can’t expect them to do anything about them.

Every couple has issues. We all have a problem or two in our relationships however this does not mean we are with the wrong person! However, without a solid, healthy process, i.e. a healthy way of communicating with one another, we find ourselves in trouble. Without a healthy way of speaking and hearing what the other is really saying our problems become the heart of our relationship rather than our process, and that can lead to extraordinary challenges!

So remember, it is the process, not the problems that matter!

For days before the “Blizzard of 2011,” I interacted with a number of people from friends and neighbors to random strangers. Everyone seemed to have something to say about the storm.

Some were skeptical. “They don’t know crap about predicting these things. They never get it right…”

Others were apprehensive. “Geez, I’m not sure what I’d do with all that snow. I mean, I guess I’d be ok, right?”

Then, there were a surprising number of angry people. “”God, I need this like a need a hole in the head. Another damned storm. I hate this.”

Once in a while, however, I’d run into someone who seemed simply delighted by the prospect of being snowed in for a couple days. “I love it when we can watch all the white flakes flying across the sky from our warm window! And then we get to go play in it when the sun comes out!”

So, the storm came and went and yes, it was The Big One they expected it would be. While there were some real inconveniences for a small number of Chicagoans, most of us got home early enough before it hit, stopped at the supermarket for extra treats and grabbed a video to boot. When the sun came out, neighbors came out to cross country ski, shake their heads and smile and help each other dig out.

We survived. And how quickly we forgot about the feelings we had about the storm before it came…

One of the things I am so grateful to have learned in my time HERE is that my attitude really does matter. Not just for myself and for what I manifest for my personal well-being, but also for what I create for the people around me. I actually have an impact on the world whether I like it or not. Whether I choose to be conscious of it or not.

What a difference it makes in our world when we share hope, joy and excitement with those around us instead of fear, anxiety and anger. In fact, you have a unique gift to share with those around you in every situation, in every moment!

So, please remember this: The words you use matter. You matter. You matter to me.