I used to live on a small ranch in New Mexico where my neighbors and I enjoyed plenty of room between our respective properties. A gorgeous rock cliff served as demarcation to the north and then there was just land everywhere else sprinkled with some houses, horse corrals and the train tracks to the south. Each morning I’d open my front door and my dogs would take off into the sage brush and chamisas, doing their business as they saw fit. No leashes, plastic bags or parks. In fact, no one seemed to care what my dogs were doing or where horses pooped or how deep into my land the neighbors’ llamas grazed.

And yet, I was very aware of an unspoken code of boundaries. An understanding existed, floated, between all of the land-owners out there in the high desert. Centered on respect, folks out there beneath the big sky understood that we all lived out in the hills because we wanted the privacy, freedom and peace to live our lives without much interference.

Floodlights were put on motion sensors so as not to disrupt the natural beauty of the night sky for anyone else. No radios spewed unwanted music across the succulents and pinon trees. Our road remained unpaved year after year in order to keep traffic at a minimum. It was quiet and simple enough to focus on what was happening internally without many external distractions.

Many people thought I was off my rocker when I voluntarily moved to the heart of Chicago. And yet, city life isn’t terribly different from rural living. Not terribly…

People still like their freedom, peace and privacy they just go about it a bit differently. Less of an unspoken code here, folks seem very committed to the written laws in place and are often rapidly on board when it comes to their enforcement. People seem resolved never to see the night sky so who cares if you leave your lights on all night or if your car alarm goes off three times a night? Living on top of and beneath people day in and day out, it also gets hard to avoid being in other people’s business. I can easily distinguish when the neighbors are fighting and when they are making up…Hey, that’s city life, right?

Boundaries are a funny thing in the big city. We love our freedoms but we’re willing to do all sorts of things in order to make sure other people are following the rules properly. We love our peace and quiet but we can only attain real peace here by consciously choosing to be unconscious. While I don’t mind living in the city now, I do miss the unspoken commitment to live and let our neighbors live.

Is watching Mad Men every Sunday night a modern Ritual?

I spent the week-end at the Westin Kierland Hotel in Scottsdale, AZ and each evening as the sun begins to head down behind the mountains, clothing the golf course in shadow, a man with long hair and a kilt would stroll up to the edge of the grass and belt out a half hour of bag pipe music.

Yes, it was wonderful to hear the music as the end of day was celebrated by such unique melodies. Yes, it was a great show accompanied by a bonfire and some single malt. Yes, it brought hotel guests together, typically perfect strangers who mostly enjoy their anonymity in the huge box of identical rooms.

All of these elements added to the sunset event but it was clear to me that this practice was not simply a hotel gimmick to bring more people to the bar each night for happy hour. It was a ritual.

My definition of a ritual is an event, practice, and or coordinated behavior that is engaged mindfully and with intention that contributes to the creation of a context for our existence. That gentleman comes every evening ten minutes before sunset and plays for half an hour and then leaves. It is not his job, it is a committed behavior that creates meaning in his life. The ritual not only promotes order for the piper, it becomes something so perfect, significant, and memorable that strangers come to depend upon it.

Most of us do things all the time, often at similar times each day or week. We go shopping, watch television, check emails and make dinner. Yet, how often do we engage these practices with intention and mindfulness?

I used to pray each morning and it became a beautiful ritual that provided a sense of meaning simply due to the fact that it was a consistent practice with focused intention. I used to hike the same trail each morning and it too, established a consistent, meaningful ritual for me where I’d spend the first half of the walk thinking about the past and the second half envisioning the future. It was a ritual I loved that made a real difference in my life.

I consider my life today and there are many consistent acts, but sadly few rituals that add meaning and create a context of mindfulness for my existence. How about you? Do you pray? Meditate? Practice yoga or go running? I’d love to hear about your rituals!